This month’s list consists of fourteen songs that clock at about two minutes or less…nuggets of ear-delicious goodness ranging from TV and theme park themes to monologues to mellow album closers. Enjoy!

57.5 BARS by Call Florence Pow
I’d like to nominate this song as the theme song for this month’s playlist theme. I found this song years ago. I don’t remember how I found about these guys, but it’s most self-explantory 1:41 of power pop you’ll ever find. The lyrics are about as straight-forward as you can get and on top of it all, you get a crazy Latin bridge in the middle. Nifty!

CBS’s GREAT MOMENTS theme
The network jingle is an art that’s woefully lost. These songs made you feel that all the shows on network’s lineup and their stars were part of one big happy family. They also helped to ingrain that network’s tagline in your head be it “Still the One!” or “Let’s All Be There!” The 80s were the pinnacle of these mini-masterpieces and ebullient rah-rahs calling you to watch the Big Three. One of my favorites is this 1982 jingle for CBS’s fall lineup. It made you excited that new episodes of The Jeffersons and Magnum P.I. were on the way and then-new hits like Newhart were about to premiere!

NEW HORIZONS theme
In December, I included one of the wonderful songs from EPCOT Center’s original lineup of attractions from 1982. These songs while cheesy exuded an optimism that was quite typical of the 80s Reagan view of the future. This followup in 1983 for the much-missed EPCOT attraction “Horizons” is no different. Sweeping strings, a children’s choir, and hopeful lyrics made you think, “Hey, who cares about the recession and impending nuclear war? The 21st century is gonna be a-ok!

THE GOLDEN GIRLS theme
Upon hearing the first few notes of this song, anybody who grew up in the 80s will think of Saturday nights and America’s favorite horny old grandmas. This is one of the most recognizable theme songs of that era and is one song that pretty much any gay man can sing for you note-for-note. Most people probably don’t know that this song had a previous life as a single for Andrew “Lonely Boy” Gold in the 70s. It’s worth tracking the down the original with its extra verses and rarely-heard bridge. RIP, Bea and Estelle!

CARTIER by Elton John
Clocking in at less than a minute, this is one of Elton John’s shortest songs. He did this one on a whim as a tribute to one of his favorite stores…Cartier. This “commercial” for the world-renowned French jeweler was a B-side for his 1980 single “Sartorial Eloquence.” Look up the a capella version of in Youtube and you can find an a performance of the song that Elton did on Tom Snyder’s old “Tomorrow” show.

LIKE A VIRGIN by Bai Ling
One of my favorite short-lived reality shows was VH1’s “But Can They Sing?” This featured celebrities like Antonio Sabato Jr. and Morgan Fairchild singing in an “American Idol”-style singing competition. On top of all this, it was hosted by Ahmet Zappa. Needless to say, I was hooked from the first bum note. This performance from the premiere episode was from one of my favorite contestants on the show…Bai Ling. She tackles Madonna’s “Like a Virgin.” As with most singing competition shows, it’s a truncated version of the original, but boy…it will stick with you…for a long, long time. Wing has nothing on Bai Ling!

WHAT WOULD BRIAN BOITANO DO? by the cast of South Park
Speaking of Wing, here’s a number from one of my all-time favorite movies: “South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut.” The movie was a near-perfect parody of Disney animated musicals. Here’s the crazy thing…as hilarious as the movie was, the music was REALLY good as it stood on its own and is as good and sometimes better than many of Disney’s music classics. Marc Shaiman (who also composed the music for the wonderful “Hairspray” musical) and Trey Parker wrote this ode to the legendary figure skater who we learn is much more than just an Olympic medalist.

THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME FEEL BETTER by Linus of Hollywood
Now, I’m not a beer drinker…I hate the taste of the stuff…but this is one of the most heartfelt love songs to the drink. It’s also probably the best use of beer bottles in a pop song…EVER.

LAMAZE by Harry Nilsson
The prettiest song ever written about giving labor. This nearly-lost song was included as a bonus track in the re-release of Nilsson’s classic “Nilsson Schmilsson.” While many know Nilsson for his stirring covers of “Without You” and “Everybody’s Talkin’”, a lot of people didn’t realize he had quite the sense of humor. I propose we send this song to natural birth coaches everywhere!

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? by William Shatner
On the other side of the spectrum is this monologue by William Shatner. When I first bought his Ben Folds-produced album “Has Been,” I was expecting a goofy novelty album but what I instead found were some interesting musical pieces with very insightful lyrics read by the former T.J. Hooker. This one is probably one of the most personal pieces on the album recounting his reaction when he found his wife Nerine dead at the bottom of their pool. Very eerie and chilling…

YOUR MOST VALUABLE POSSESSION by Ben Folds Five
This piece was from Ben Folds Five’s final album “The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner.” The album found them getting into prog-rock territory and expanding beyond the raucous piano-bass-drums feel of their debut. This track doesn’t feature any vocals from Ben Folds but instead centers around a rambling answer machine message that Ben’s dad left. To this day, I still have no idea what the hell it’s about…

JUNK by Paul McCartney
A wistful song from Paul McCartney’s first solo album. Beautiful in its simplicity and doesn’t overstay its welcome…an often overlooked gem in the Macca canon.

THE WHOLE WORLD AND YOU by Tally Hall
The newest song on this list…Tally Hall was featured prominently in my best of ‘08 list and this shows the band’s diversity as they throw a bit of Dixieland jazz into the mix. Keyboardist Andrew Horowitz takes over the lead vocals in this song which was recently featured in an ad campaign for Crayola. A good pick-me-up of a tune that reminds all of us that “there’s no one better than you!”

SOUVENIR by Billy Joel
Gonna close this out with a song that Billy Joel used to use as his final encore song for years…This was the final track on his sophomore Columbia release, “Streetlife Serenader.” While the album is one of his most uneven, this short coda to the collection of songs is one its highlights. His live performances of this song would be almost always be capped off by his very helpful reminder to his audiences: “Don’t take any shit from anybody!” I concur, Billy…unless it’s from me with my oddball song selections for my Selective Service playlists!

Download: Call Florence Pow, “5.75 Bars” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: CBS’s Great Moments theme (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: New Horizons theme (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: The Golden Girls theme (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Elton John, “Cartier” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Bai Ling, “Like A Virgin” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: The Cast of South Park, “What Would Brian Boitano Do?” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Linus of Hollywood, “Thank You For Making Me Feel Better” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Harry Nilsson, “Lamaze” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: William Shatner, “What Have You Done?” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Ben Folds Five, “Your Most Valuable Possession” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Paul McCartney, “Junk” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Tally Hall, “The Whole World And You” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Billy Joel, “Souvenir” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

ZIP file of all songs will be posted tomorrow!

At first I thought that putting together a playlist of songs all having the same name was near-impossible until I sorted my iTunes songs by “name.” As I scrolled through the thousands of tracks, I discovered that I had quite a number of songs with the title “Magic.” It’s as if my iTunes worked its magic! Har har har…

So, take a listen and fall under the spell of my playlist for you this month!

MAGIC by Olivia Newton-John
It shouldn’t be news to anybody that the soundtrack to “Xanadu” is one of my favorite movie soundtracks of all-time, let alone one of my favorite albums in my collection. While the movie’s merits are debatable, there’s no doubt that every track on this album is a winner. (There’s a Gene Kelly/Olivia Newton-John duet AND an Olivia Newton-John/ELO combo for crying out loud!!!) This lead track from the album deservedly took the #1 spot in 1980. The mesmerizing opening chords and slinky beat really set it apart from anything else in Olivia’s canon at the time. Her voice captures the alluring spell of her character Kira as she coaxes rebel artist Sonny into a world of roller-discodom. OK, maybe the movie’s plot was ridiculous…but c’mon…this song is hot!

MAGIC by Pilot
This is one of those one-hits by a one-hit wonder that you always hear but never know who did it. I think the first time I heard this was in a local car commercial in South Florida. It took a while before I figured out who did this song (ah, pre-Internet/pre-Google/pre-Wikipedia days!), but thanks to a Time-Life infomercial, I discovered that the song was from a Scottish group called Pilot. Further research uncovered that a couple of Pilot members were also members of the other Scottish one-hit wonders The Bay City Rollers. Go figure!

MAGIC by The Cars
Most of my fellow children of the 80s will remember this song as an MTV staple. To this day, I want to know how they made this video…this was the one where Ric Ocasek got all Jesus on a bunch of people at a posh Beverly Hills party and started walking on top of a pool. It culminated with the guests trying to walk on the water only to fail and fall in. Hilarity! Add this to my to-do list of songs for karaoke…

MAGIC by Tim Myers
The newest song on my list. This song was part of “The Good Life” EP by singer-songwriter Tim Myers. I picked up this EP on iTunes after hearing its title track in a commercial. The song has hints of Nilsson, Jellyfish, and a twinge of Brian Wilson…a combination that can never go wrong with me. And who doesn’t love a song with a splash of vibraslap?! As the song lyrics go…”it’s magic!”

MAGIC by Ben Folds Five
Probably my favorite bit of magic on this playlist. It’s the should-have-been-a-hit single for Ben Folds Five. This gorgeous ballad was from their underrated swan song “The Unauthorized Biography of Reinhold Messner.” Based on posters promoting the album, it seemed like there were intentions to release this as a single, but it never came to be. It’s a shame because this would have been a perfect ballad followup to “Brick.” This song was actually solely written by Darren Jessee, the band’s ace drummer. (For more Darren-penned goodness, check out his current band Hotel Lights.) Everything from the arrangement (those timpanis and strings!) to the melody to the lyrics (especially the wonderful line “trading places with an angel now”) are spot-on. As morbid as it sounds, this would be one I’d want played at my funeral…

BONUS TRACK
MAGIC by the cast of “Xanadu on Broadway”
If you didn’t get enough of the original version from the movie, here’s the song recorded by cast of the Broadway version of “Xanadu,” one of the best musicals I’ve seen on the Great White Way. The song has a bit more of a comical feel and was used perfectly in one of the stage version’s opening scenes. Alas, the show closed recently on Broadway (BOO!) but a touring version is in the works. If you’re up for a campy musical spectacular featuring roller skates, muses, and centaurs, I highly recommend checking it out if it passes through your town!

Download: Olivia Newton-John, “Magic” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Pilot, “Magic” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: The Cars, “Magic” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Tim Myers, “Magic” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Ben Folds Five, “Magic” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: The Cast of Xanadu on Broadway, “Magic” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download all the songs in a handy ZIP file:

Download: “We’ve Got Magic To Do” (ZIP)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Ok, so I couldn’t resist a veiled reference to the channel I work for. I decided to give things a bit of twist with my take on this month’s theme. Maybe it’s the reality exec in me or the fact that I don’t have many songs about real people in my iTunes, but here are six songs that have some tie to real people or personalities…

“ALL THOSE YEARS AGO” by George Harrison
The first method of incorporating “real people” into songs is the tribute song. John Lennon’s death in 1980 led to a wave of tributes. My personal favorite “Empty Garden” was featured in my list, “E.P.,” back in December, but this George Harrison hit from 1981 is the most popular Lennon tribute. Some have criticized it for being a bit light and fluffy, but it was significant in being the closest thing to a Beatles reunion until the “Free as a Bird” and “Real Love” singles years later.

“DEATH ON TWO LEGS” by Queen
The next “real people” method is the spiteful, “I hate you, I can’t believe you did this to me!” song. Often, this is used for breakup songs (see “Song for the Dumped”), but the “you screwed me over” theme carries into this Queen song that Freddie Mercury wrote about their ex-manager, Norman Sheffield. There’s no subtlety here…but then again, when has there been any in a Queen song? Freddie outright calls the guy a shark. While never a single, this track from the landmark album “A Night at the Opera” shows off Queen’s definitive sound about as well as “Bohemian Rhapsody.”

“YOU’RE SO VAIN” by Carly Simon
Third on the list of “real people” songwriting styles is the “Who is this song about?” category. I present to you the grandmama of them all…”You’re So Vain.” Carly Simon’s song about a gavotting playboy flying around in a Lear jet stands as one of pop music’s greatest mysteries. Who the hell is this song about? Theories have ran the gamut from the song being about Warren Beatty, Kris Kristofferson, James Taylor, and Mick Jagger (who makes a cameo singing backing vocals). I’ve always thought the song was about Narcissus, but then again, that’s just me!

“BOXING” by Ben Folds Five
We now move to a song that utilizes the method of “real people” in a fictional situation. This song, the closer of Ben Folds Five’s phenomenal debut album, sets a scene of of an aging Muhammad Ali giving one more interview to Howard Cosell. This beautiful waltz about boxer’s last hurrah contrasted the rambunctious sounds of other tracks like “Philosophy” and “Uncle Walter.” I still have distinct memories of Ben and the boys doing this live while Robert Sledge put a smoky cigarette in the neck of his bass. This is one I wish was made as a proper video with boxers waltzing in the ring!

“MICHAEL CAINE” by Madness
Time to change things up with a song named after a famous person that has nothing to do about that famous person. Most recently, Scissor Sisters did it with the excellent “Paul McCartney.” We go a little earlier for this one…to 1984 to be exact…with Madness’s song named after the star of “Alfie” and “Jaws: The Revenge.” While the song has a sample of Michael Caine’s voice, it’s all about an informant during The Troubles in Northern Ireland.

“MINNIE MOUSE” by Sparks
And last but not least, a song about a famous character…one so iconic, some kids would think she was real: Minnie Mouse. This ode to the Disney symbol’s girlfriend was written and performed by none other than Sparks for Disney’s “Splashdance” album. It’s goofy (pun intended), synthy 80s fare with a little French thrown just to give that right amount of fromage!

Download: George Harrison, “All Those Years Ago” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Queen, “Death On Two Legs” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Carly Simon, “You’re So Vain” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Ben Folds Five, “Boxing” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Madness, “Michael Caine” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Sparks, “Minnie Mouse” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

As a fan of studio recordings and techniques, it was a little difficult for me to find live recordings that surpassed their studio counterparts. But… I was able to find some. So behold… the (almost) string-less live faves by yours truly…

1. Paul McCartney and Wings, “Coming Up” (Live at Glasgow 1980)
   THE definitive example of a live recording outshining its studio counterpart. The original version of “Coming Up” on the “McCartney II” album was a thin-sounding, undercooked disco-rock melange of guitars, muted drums, and wheezy synths. Granted, “McCartney II” was intended to have the homespun feel that “McCartney,” but those synths just did NOT help out. This live version which helped bolster the song to one of McCartney’s last #1 appearances blows away the original version. Having a real backing band with a real horn section give the song the bounce and energy that it deserves. This recording is also notable for being one of the few recordings around of the final lineup of Wings.
2. Billy Joel, “She’s Got A Way” (Live at Carnegie Hall 1977)
   This is from the recent release of Billy’s 1977 Carnegie Hall concert that came as a bonus disc on “The Stranger - Deluxe Edition.” It was a tossup between this and “I’ve Loved These Days” from that same concert. This one edges out for its simple arrangement. Now…why this and not the live version from 1981’s “Songs in the Attic” compilation? Billy’s voice seems stronger here and there some nuances in his piano playing that give it the one-up on the “SitA” version. Also, if you listen closely, you can hear a subtle, but effect cello backing that’s not really present on any other version of the song.
3. Queen, “Radio Ga Ga” (Live Aid 1985)
   As a Queen fan, this was one of the milestone live performances that Queen did. It stands as one of the best performances during Live Aid. I mean, c’mon…getting a whole stadium to clap in unison at the right time during your chorus? Brilliance. Also, the energy kicks this one up a notch from the original 1984 version.
4. Ben Folds Five, “She Don’t Use Jelly” (Sessions at West 54th 1997)
   This Ben Folds cover of the Flaming Lips classic is from the very-missed PBS series “Sessions at West 54th.” A recorded version was done for the “Lounge-a-Palooza” CD, but this one wins out as a testament to how tight a band Ben Folds Five were. Ben, Robert Sledge, and Darren Jessee all complimented each other so well. This live version also achieves the lounge-y cocktail vibe that recorded version misses a bit of.
5. Ben Folds, “Not The Same” (Calvin Theater 2002)
   While not necessarily a replacement for the studio version, this live version of the “Rockin’ the Suburbs” track has a great almost hymnal-like to it. As any Ben Folds fan knows, during Ben’s solo tour, he’d often leave the backing vocals to the audience and often, the crowds would nail it as evidenced here. The “ah’s” are chill-inducing…hail to the church of Folds!
6. Scissor Sisters, “Might Tell You Tonight” (Live at the O2)
   While I loved the Scissor Sisters’ “Ta-Dah,” it had a bit too much polish and lacked the oomph and edge that had made me love the band in the first place. This performance of “Might Tell You Tonight” shows how some of the “Ta-Dah” tracks had that extra gust of energy when done live.
7. The Wonders, “That Thing You Do!” (Live at The Hollywood Television Showcase)
   What a wonder this was…The fact that they did this song after losing their bassist to…what? They’re not real? Oh…it’s still a kickass song!

Download: Paul McCartney and Wings, “Coming Up” (Live at Glasgow 1980 - mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Billy Joel, “She’s Got A Way” (Live at Carnegie Hall 1977 - mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Queen, “Radio Ga Ga” (Live Aid 1985 - mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Ben Folds Five, “She Don’t Use Jelly” (Sessions at West 54th 1997 - mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Ben Folds, “Not The Same” (Calvin Theater 2002 - mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Scissor Sisters, “Might Tell You Tonight” (Live at the O2 - mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: The Wonders, “That Thing You Do!” (Live at The Hollywood Television Showcase - mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)