Does Emily Haines have Wii Tennis elbow?

That’s what I thought while listening to her band Metric’s excellent new album, Fantasies. The album is a potent slice of sharp & instantly catchy synth-fueled rock, loaded with repeat-worthy singles (”Blindness” is jockeying for position on my best of ‘09 disc already), but it was “Sick Muse” that made me reach for the CD booklet.

I checked the lyrics in the liner notes, and I know the song officially goes:

Everybody, everybody just wanna fall in love
Everybody, everybody just wanna play the lead

But when I first heard the song, I did a double-take because it sounded like Haines was singing about everyone’s favorite motion-controlled Nintendo console:

Everybody, everybody just wanna fall in love
Everybody, everybody just wanna play the Wii

Do you hear it, too? Or do I just have Mario Kart on the brain?

Download: Metric, “Sick Muse” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Here’s “Blindness,” too. If you like what you hear, grab the rest of Fantasies from iTunes — it’s definitely worth your time.

Download: Metric, “Blindness” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

This month’s theme comes courtesy loyal reader Bob Shortell, and it’s pretty direct:

“Punching”

For more fun, we decided to open our playlists to physical violence of any kind, really, so you’ll also find kicking, slapping, and even a little kung-fu fighting, too. Have fun and watch your back!

• UNKLE Matt’s “Your Songs Too Short To Box With iPod”
• Uncle Sam’s “Feeling Punchy, Tweety”
• Onkel Rudi’s “A bit punchy, are we? Or punch drunk?”
• The Man(del) from UNCLE’s Hit Me Baby, Seven More Times!

I have to be up front here…this was a tough list for me to put together. Punching? Fighting? Really?!? Guys, you all know I’m a lover, not a fighter…In any case, here’s my best go at it…

EYE OF THE TIGER by Survivor
Honestly, do you think any playlist about punching would be complete without this one? THE ultimate, get-out-there-and-fight-Mr. T song. But then again, who really would want to fight Mr. T? I mean, I pity the fool who wants to do wrong to him. He loves the kids and he helped Face and Hannibal so much throughout the years. I actually play this whenever I get ready to step in the ring…ok…maybe I don’t…but if I did, I would!

ONE HIT TO THE BODY by The Rolling Stones
This number comes from the much maligned Stones album, “Dirty Work.” I think the only reasons I bought the album years ago were 1) it was on clearance and 2) I was being a Stones completist. This song is one of the few bright spots in the album and that’s saying a lot. From what I understand, Mick and Keith were at the verge of punching each other during the making of this album and if you check out the video…you can smell the seething. Frankly, I wanted to punch Mick and Keef after listening to this mid-80s mess of an album. “Harlem Shuffle…” REALLY?!?

GROW SOME FUNK OF YOUR OWN by Elton John
So y’all thought I was going to throw in “Saturday Night’s Alright for Fighting” in here, did ya? Well, gotcha! Not so fast…this is from his 1975 rocker “Rock of the Westies.” Elton turned things up to 11…which in mortal man numbers is about 7…for this harder-edged album. I love it when Elton tries to get all butch. He’s all trying to hold his own in a barroom brawl about a woman…precious…

EMPEROR OF THE HIGHWAY by Todd Rundgren
T-Rund’s Gilbert and Sullivan-esque ode to road rage. So jaunty, so proper, so polite, so ludricrous…If all road rage in L.A. was like this, driving would be so much simpler…

PUNCH-OUT TRAGEDY by NESkimos
I forgot where I found this one, but it popped up when I looked up “punch” in my iTunes. I think I downloaded this during my NES cover bands phase. Anyhoo, this one takes on the classic background music from “Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out.” Load this one up in your iPod if you’re getting ready to fight a crazy-ass, ear-biting, convicted rapist! Oy…

It was at this point that I started to get desperate with my song choices…resulting in this…

FRUIT JUICY aka “The Hawaiian Punch Theme”
Yes, it’s the original ad jingle for Hawaiian Punch! BTW, who the hell still drinks Hawaiian Punch? I can’t believe I lived on that stuff for years as kid…makes your teeth all pink and gnarly…

SUCKER by Self
The closest this has to do with the theme is the mention of a sucker punch in the lyrics, BUT…it’s a damn good song by a damn good band from Tennessee that should have gotten more recognition than it got back in the late 90s. Alt-rock meets big band jazz in this track from “Self’s” fantastic “Breakfast with Girls” CD.

Download: Survivor, “Eye of the Tiger” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: The Rolling Stones, “One Hit to the Body” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Elton John, “Grow Some Funk Of Your Own” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Todd Rundgren, “Emperor of the Highway” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: NESkimos, “Punch-Out Tragedy (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: “Fruit Juicy” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Self, “Sucker” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Okay, I didn’t pick this months selections. But as folks have told me when I mentioned this month’s topic to them, this is “definitely a theme chosen by a guy.”

Yup, there’s testosterone all over this theme, and I’ve tried to find truly angry stuff in my collection.

And there isn’t much, at first glance. But I knuckled down and found these for your perusal. And yes, there’s one angry chick in the mix (a word of warning: said track is extremely explicit - you’ve been warned).

1. “Run Like Hell” - Roger Waters (from The Wall: Live In Berlin 1990)
   This song is straightforward: a general, egging on his followers to get with the program or run for their own survival. I chose this version because Waters really pours himself into the verses, which were traditionally a two-vocalist setup with Pink Floyd (even the Gilmour-led Floyd had Dave singing this part with Guy Pratt, Waters’ replacement on bass).
2. “Angry” - Paul McCartney (from Press To Play)
   Yup - Paul is rip rarin’ mad in this song, which is a bit of a departure for him. Where his earlier songs of distress - “I’m Looking Through You” being the classic one - were a bit more obtuse, this one is direct: he’s angry at you and ready to take it to the ring.
3. “Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting” - Elton John (from Greatest Hits or Goodbye, Yellow Brick Road)
   The title says it all, really.
4. “I Will Not Go Quietly” - Don Henley (from The End Of The Innocence)
   Don Henley is known for being passionate about his causes (e.g. the preservation of Walden Pond and its surrounding woods), and this song clearly states that he will not stand down. Note the harmonies from the then-hot Axl Rose.
5. “Natalie’s Rap” - The Lonely Island (feat. Natalie Portman) (from Incredibad)
   This is the song I warned about. Originally aired on Saturday Night Live, the “interview” in this song is performed by former SNL cast member, Chris Parnell, while the rapping and singing are handled by Natalie Portman and Andy Samberg. It’s definitely not what you expect to hear from Ms. Portman (namely, that she’s a violent woman), and this version lacks the censors’ handiwork. Like I said: you’ve been warned.
6. “Run For Your Life” - Cowboy Junkies (from This Bird Has Flown: A 40th Anniversary Tribute To The Beatles’ Rubber Soul)
   One of John Lennon’s more misogynist and overtly disturbing songs, Cowboy Junkies slow it down, change the sexes of both protagonist and antagonist, and in the process make it a far more disturbing outing. You feel a bit creeped out by Margo Timmins’ vocals by the end.
7. “(What’s So Funny ‘Bout) Peace Love & Understanding” - Elvis Costello & The Attractions (from Armed Forces)
   This song is a response to the others: can’t we all just get along?

Download: “Run Like Hell” - Roger Waters (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: “Angry” - Paul McCartney (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: “Saturday Night’s Alright For Fighting” - Elton John (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: “I Will Not Go Quietly” - Don Henley (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: “Natalie’s Rap” - The Lonely Island (feat. Natalie Portman) (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: “Run For Your Life” - Cowboy Junkies (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: “(What’s So Funny ‘Bout) Peace Love & Understanding” - Elvis Costello & the Attractions (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Now is about that time of year when I start to get the question, “so, do you have any recommendations for new tunes?” a lot, so as a public service to my pals (and anyone else looking for relatively sage advice regarding new music purchases), I thought I’d take a quarterly look at what’s new, interesting, and worth your time. Here’s what I’m digging most in ‘09:

• Yeah Yeah Yeahs, It’s Blitz!
  The YYYs have made the dance-punk album that’s always been in them. Their sound is more refined and synth-heavy, but that doesn’t mean their impact has been dulled: It’s Blitz! is exhilarating, fun listening, and is probably my favorite album of this short year so far. I can’t wait to see them tour behind this one.
  If I were you. I’d grab the deluxe edition from iTunes: the bonus quartet of acoustic renderings of Blitz! songs show off an unexpectedly gentle side of the band.

  Watch the video for “Zero” @ YouTube.

• Lily Allen, It’s Not Me, It’s You
  Allen’s second album refines the bits of her debut that I loved (sharp, witty lyrics & snappy British synthpop) and sheds what I found to be grating (calypso sounds). She sounds better than ever, and there’s not a stinker in the bunch. Grab It’s Not Me, It’s You at iTunes. Her just-released F.U.E.P. is good fun, too, and includes an acoustic cover of Britney Spears’ “Womanizer.”

  Here’s the video for lead single “The Fear”:
• Fight Like Apes, Fight Like Apes and the Mystery of the Golden Medallion
  Their album title sounds like a Hardy Boys mystery, but their music is hardly quaint: think Los Campesinos! on a half-dose of ritalin — giddy exuberance sharpened by catchy songs loaded with aggressive guitars and shoutalong choruses. Lots of fun, but sadly not available in the US yet. That may change soon, tho: an EP, You Filled His Head With Fluffy Clouds and Jolly Ranchers. What Did You Think Was Going to Happen?, popped into iTunes a couple of weeks ago, so I’d bet on a domestic release sometime later this year. If you’re adventurous & don’t like waiting, grab Fight Like Apes and the Mystery of the Golden Medallion on disc from Amazon.co.uk.

  Check out “Lend Me Your Face” in my list this month & enjoy the vid for “Jake Summers”:
• Florence and the Machine, Dog Days Are Over and Kiss With A Fist (singles)
  They’re easily my favorite British import of ‘09 and they haven’t even released an album yet. The one-two punch of soulful, stirring indie rock (seemingly one part Eels, one part White Stripes) and Florence Welch’s knockout voice is instant earworm material, and I’ve listened the bejebus out of their first 2 singles (available digitally via iTunes now, out on vinyl on 4/14 as the A Lot of Love, A Lot of Blood EP). Matt & I may have to fight over who gets to put “Dog Days Are Over” on our year-end best-of mixes.

  Their debut album, tentatively titled Lungs, looks like it’s due in early June. Until then, have fun with “Kiss With A Fist” from my playlist this month & watch the video for “Dog Days” @ YouTube.

A few other fun recent releases:

• Favorite oddball collaboration: Karen O & the very dead ODB on N.A.S.A.’s Spirit of Apollo
• Favorite use of a banjo: “Fancy Beer” on Drip Dryin’ With The Two Man Gentleman Band
• Favorite modern recession blues song: “I’m Broke” from Black Joe Lewis & The Honeybears’ Tell ‘Em What Your Name Is!
• Favorite guilty pleasure: “Don’t Let Me Stop You” on Kelly Clarkson’s All I Ever Wanted

“Buddy? I’m gonna punch you in the face, if you don’t get your hands on the f***ing dash!!!”

Let the pugilism begin:

1. General Patton vs The X-Ecutioners, “Doctrine & Declaration”
This is an introduction from the Marvel(ous) Team-Up of Faith No More’s Mike Patton and turntablists extraordinaire The X-Ecutioners. I first heard its introductory vocal sample in an old Stereo MCs song, but it serves its purpose better here.

2. The Flaming Lips, “Fight Test”
A lot of the Lips’ music seems to reference some great unseen war going on between Heaven & Hell, light & darkness, sentient mushrooms & glowing orbs, and of course giant robots & little girls. Wayne Coyne is apparently the only one aware of this chaos going on all around us, and attempts to warn us all through song.

3. Depth Charge, “Depth Charge”
Although overshadowed by contemporaries Norman Cook and Adrian Sherwood, J. Saul Kane quietly made some of the best sample-based electro / dub / hip-hop records of the 1980s. His particular specialty was to utilize bits of audio from films, mainly horror and spaghetti western, which is probably why most of his catalog is out of print. This song chooses to look on the chop-socky side of life.

4. Pietro Mascagni, “Cavalleria Rusticana (intermezzo)”
If you’re wondering why, just picture a black & white Robert DeNiro jumping around a boxing ring in slow motion.

5. Public Enemy, “Fight The Power (12″ mix)”
For someone of my philosophical makeup, one of the things that “punching” can evoke is the image of a raised black-gloved fist, breaking its way through prejudice and racism. There aren’t many songs that sum that spirit up better than PE’s anthem from the “Do The Right Thing” soundtrack. Here’s the original 12″ single mix, complete with noisier brighter mix, sax by Branford Marsalis, and un-bleeped-up commentary on Elvis and John Wayne.

6. Malcolm Middleton, “Fight Like The Night”
A track from 2007’s addictive parasitic audio meme “A Brighter Beat”, sneakily disguised as a pop album.

7. Tomoyasu Hotei, “Battle Without Honor Or Humanity”
There are certain songs that are just made for scenes of psycho samurai chicks walking at the camera. This is one.

8. Shel Silverstein, “Hitting”
In case you can’t make it out (I didn’t at first), that indistinct word that makes the whole joke work is “feather”.

Download: General Patton vs The X-Ecutioners, “Doctrine & Declaration” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: The Flaming Lips, “Fight Test” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Depth Charge, “Depth Charge” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Pietro Mascagni, “Cavalleria Rusticana (intermezzo)” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Public Enemy, “Fight The Power (12″ mix)” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Malcolm Middleton, “Fight Like The Night” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Tomoyasu Hotei, “Battle Without Honor Or Humanity” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Shel Silverstein, “Hitting” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

In honor of the Selective Service Twitter feed (@selectivesrvice), I’ve decided to write up my violent songs in 140 characters or less. Let’s see how I do:

1. Tenacious D, “Karate Schnitzel”
2. Tenacious D, “Karate”
   2 parts of a whole, really: missing leftovers beget violence and some of my favorite over-the-top threats ever.
3. Carl Douglas, “Kung Fu Fighting”
   “So, it’s just you 57 cops against Kung Fu Joe? Master of kung-fu, karate, ju-jitsu, and all kinds of other shit you ain’t never heard of!”
4. Florence and the Machine, “Kiss With A Fist”
   ’09’s best British import doesn’t have a full album out yet, but their singles are outstanding. Garage-rock tough love.
5. Johnny Cash, “A Boy Named Sue”
   Shel Silverstein via the Man in Black live from San Quentin. Oddly was Cash’s biggest Billboard hit: was #2 for 2 weeks in ‘69.
6. The Sounds, “Hit Me!”
   Stripped-down, rocking sadomasochism courtesy some of my favorite Swedes.
7. Ronnie Wood, “Knock Your Teeth Out”
   Keef’s drinking partner is an okay solo artist, too. Features Charlie on drums & longtime Stones backing vocalist Bernard Fowler.
8. Ramones, “Beat on the Brat (Live)”
   Nobody did 2-minute blasts of power chords better. This live version (recorded in ‘76) was nicked from the ‘01 Leave Home reissue.
9. Fight Like Apes, “Lend Me Your Face”
   Another ‘09 UK import that I hope is destined for US shelves, the Apes specialize in frenzied, funny, synth-fueled rawking.
10. Ash, “Kung Fu”
    Brit pop-punks add arse-kicking sound effects & pay tribute to Jackie Chan. In fact, it appeared on the soundtrack to “Rumble in the Bronx.”
11. Guns N’ Roses, “Get in the Ring”
    That’s a looooooooooong enemies list, Axl.

The songs are just as short and sweet as my tweet-descriptions, hence the 11 tunes. Enjoy the ass-kickery!

Download: Tenacious D, “Karate Schnitzel” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Tenacious D, “Karate” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Carl Douglas, “Kung Fu Fighting” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Florence and the Machine, “Kiss With A Fist” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Johnny Cash, “A Boy Named Sue” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: The Sounds, “Hit Me!” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Ronnie Wood, “Knock Your Teeth Out” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Ramones, “Beat on the Brat (Live)” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Fight Like Apes, “Lend Me Your Face” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Ash, “Kung Fu” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)

Download: Guns N’ Roses, “Get in the Ring” (mp3)
(Right-click/control-click link to download)